When I was a kid I was afraid of being driven around at night in the dark because I believed that the majority of people driving during those late hours were troublesome teenagers and teenagers intimidated me. I was comforted at times, such as when I observed the taillights of cars in front of us…
I’m sure there are inner city policemen who buy rap cds and spend hours at their desks interpreting the lyrics in an attempt to get inside the minds of their adversaries.
This post relies on a huge generalization which states that when you age you become more passive and mellow. Cranky grandparents are more numerous than calling them the exception would allow, and so you’ll need to consider returning this post to the sender. However, it does apply to the aged who have markedly mellowed over…
One night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I thought about the stand up comedian life. I came up with some brief material: Career choice – “you get paid to make people laugh?” “no, no, it’s not like that. It isn’t nearly so glorious. They laugh AT me. I get paid in compensation for…
– On the radio I heard a story about a new mayor changing the rules concerning life imprisonment. He believes “life means life” and is in the process of eliminating parole opportunities for inmates with life sentences. The problem I have with this is not the mayor’s redefining of what a life sentence means (as…
I’m a fan of fevers. I enjoy that uncomfortable feeling of being alternately hot and cold every few seconds. Enjoying an uncomfortable feeling is contradictory, I’m aware. More accurately, I enjoy a feeling which most people feel is uncomfortable. I enjoy the fever feeling for reasons similar to the reasons people take recreational drugs. Fevers,…
I don’t often boast, so I’ll boast now. I won the Daily News-Miner’s Holiday Story Contest. There are two things I should mention about this though: 1. I consider my entry crap. If I had submitted a story I was genuinely proud of, I can say for certain that I never would have won. In…
One of the things that frustrates me a bit is that in spite of the complexities and inexplicable nature of life and the universe, we only have a mere 3 states of matter. Well, there is plasma, but even though it is the most common state of matter in space, it’s very rare on earth…
Every time you open an envelope, imagine that the person who sent it is licking your finger, because that’s what’s happening in a roundabout way. Only, the saliva has mixed with glue and dried, so really you should imagine this: the person who sent it has licked a brush of rubber cement and then opened…
While I was on the Boston campus I was often witness to empty cars parked near campus buildings with distress lights blinking. It’s tempting to believe that this was a precautionary measure taken by the driver to indicate to the university police that “yes officer, I know I’m parked illegally but as you can see…