My poor financial management skills have been given more funds to play with; I’ve received another scholarship. My perplexing success in this domain makes me wish I’d started applying for free money much earlier in my college career. In April I meet with my private scholarship sponsors for breakfast at a pomp and circumstance recognition ceremony. Since this scholarship was targeted exclusively for engineering undergrads, I’d like to tell these people that I have no job prospects related to my major and that I intend to become a high school substitute teacher for Math, Physics, and English. Why? So that, sitting across from them, I might witness faint expressions of dread on their faces, dread resulting from a combination of disgust that their money has been wasted on so undeserving a candidate and the knowledge that, once granted, the gift cannot be rescinded.