Buttoned shirts. 2 things:

-As I button and unbutton shirts, I wonder how much damage I would sustain, and whether I would survive, if a bullet went through my chest at the location of the button my fingers are working on.

-One of the advantages buttoned shirts have over t-shirts is this: they can be removed without obstructing the view of the wearer. This property is important when there’s a girl on your bed. In my experience, the girl will disappear during the interval of time when my view is obstructed as I remove the t-shirt. And then I wake up from dreaming. It’s a let down, with the most appropriate response being a discouraged sigh. If only I wore buttoned shirts in my dreams more often; that way, my view of her would not be obstructed as I removed it. As a consequence, she would not disappear, because there’s something of an unwritten rule about things in your field of view having to wait until you’ve looked away before they vanish. It’s because of this rule that I think the phrase “it vanished before my eyes!” is used as an excuse far more often than as an accurate description of what happened. On a related note, the universe is a large place. It’s extremely unlikely, but possible, that my divine complement lives on earth.