One issue condom advocates tactfully avoid is how people are born. If you ever want to have kids, you have to remove the rubber. I very much would like to talk with the people in safe sex advertisements. I would tell them calmly that, by definition of their existence, their parents had {brace yourself} unprotected sex! Eww.

On safe sex without condoms/pills/etc.: the safest way to go is to ask the girl if she’s got stds. Opponents of this method doubt the honesty of her answer. As I see it, there isn’t much to be afraid of, all you need to know are the two circumstances which guarantee she’s telling the truth. They are:

1. a girl who wants to have sex with you admits to having stds.
2. a girl who doesn’t want to have sex with you says she is pure tulip nectar, untouched by the devils of disease.

It is a bittersweet ending that the girl you will want to have sex with is the one who doesn’t feel the same about you. Depending on your demeanor, the result is rape or forlornness. Except for a complicator: equality warrants that the girl will be asking you the same question: do you have any stds? And similarly, as above, they will know that you’re telling the truth if:

1. you want to have sex with her and told her you’ve got stds.
2. you don’t want to have sex with her and told her you’re 100% contaminant free.

The results look even grimmer now. The only lawful sex being had is between boy #1 and girl #1, each of which have stds. Anything else (#1 & #2, or #2 & #1) is rape, with the former case being both unlikely and comical. The only other option is #2 & #2, but they’re just friends.